05/28/2013: Seth Gordy
God is faithful. Prior to coming to The Inn in 2011, a lot of things had gone “down-hill” in life. My parents divorced; my fiancee left me; and then my mom got really sick, all within a very short period of time. That’s the shortened and “specific-but-not-too-specific” list of the things that were going on in life.
From the front side of things, it’s hard to see certain attitudes creep in - bitterness, anger, frustration, rage - especially when you’re pretty sure that everything that you’re feeling and the reactions that you’re showing are perfectly justified. This is where I found myself.
Every person that had hurt me, I was angry at. And that anger turned into bitterness, which would sometimes manifest itself in outward rage. Then, it wasn’t just the big stuff anymore that was getting under my skin. It was all the little things in life that really shouldn’t be that hard to manage - the person driving “way too slowly” on the road (for miles!) who then decides to make a turn but doesn’t use a blinker to indicate that he’s doing so; the bedroom door that you slam closed in frustration, but doesn’t stay closed behind you, so you have to go back and slam it again; or the person that “chews too loudly” so that you can’t concentrate on your book or tv show. All of these little things - and more - had begun to irk me, to grow inside of me, and to weigh so heavily on my heart and mind.
And then I realized that I wasn’t just mad at people. I was getting angry at God. He was the one who had allowed all of this to happen to me and to my family. He was the one who had made promises and hadn’t kept them. He was the one who failed me. So I began to lash out at Him too. I would often go to bed in tears of rage, demanding that God explain Himself to me, that He explain why He had permitted all of these things to happen. But He didn’t.
Then I came here...to The Inn. This is not a plug for this ministry, per se. But God has met me here in a real way. In this season of life He has shown me that He is, in fact,faithful, even when I am not (and it’s always that case that I am not). He has shown me that no matter what, He will take care of me. He will be faithful to provide for my needs. He might not explain the “why’s” of life (at least not at this moment). But He’s showing me that He is trustworthy nonetheless; that He will use all of the bad to accomplish His perfect (because He’s just good like that); and that He really will never leave me or forsake me.
I remember a course I took in college, a very rigorous class on the book of John. The professor was so challenging that he had, for many years, held the infamy of being the most difficult teacher on campus. Students who weren't required to take his classes for their theology majors or masters or doctorates usually steered clear of them for fear of failing them utterly. And even the students who did have to sit through his lectures ended up, in a lot of cases, failing or doing very poorly on his exams. Needless to say, he was incredibly knowledgeable, not to mention passionate, about this book of the Bible in particular and about sharing the wealth of wisdom and knowledge that he had gained over years of study.
The thing that I remember from this class, besides the challenge of the course work, was the verse where Jesus says, “I will never leave you, nor forsake you.” As he would explain, in the original Greek that this book was written in, the phrase actually translated as having six negatives, just so Jesus could drive His point home. This gave something
to the effect of, “I will no not never, no not ever, leave you nor forsake you!” Obviously this doesn't fly in the English language. But I think that we can grasp the message: No matter what we feel, think, experience in this life, no matter the circumstances - good or bad...or worse - He will NEVER, not EVER leave us. This truth has become one that I can hold on to. God is a faithful God.