(For privacy purposes......I have left it up to Katelin whether to tag herself in this or not......just know, she is an incredibly beautiful young woman....both inside and out!!!!!)
I had started dealing with depression at around 12years old caused from multiple incidents that had occurred and were happening at the time. At age 14, as a way of releasing my inner emotions, and from the feeling of feeling fat, I decided to make myself throw up. I immediately felt shame and swore I would never do it again, however, I did it again the very next day, and before I knew it, I was dealing with bulimia nervosa. Every day, everything I did, everything I thought, focused on my eating disorder. What would I eat today? Would I eat today? How much? Can I throw it up? Will I get caught? Within a couple months, the weight of dealing with now both depression and bulimia resulted in me cutting myself. First, just little scratch marks, but as time went by, they got deeper. I had tried to get help, but nothing seemed to work. I knew I had a problem, yet I refused to actually do anything about it, I made up excuses like, "I'll try harder tomorrow." or "it's really not that big of a deal." For 19 months I threw up what I ate, I cut myself, I told myself I was fat and worthless, and that God could never use someone like me. At first I was striving for perfection, I wanted so badly to have that perfect figure, the ones you see on magazines, to be noticed, but by the end of it, I just wanted out. I tried to stay strong, to press through it, but it was hard and every day I was going lower, losing more hope every day. I can't even say how many times I cried out to God yet felt like He wasn't listening or didn't care. During all this, I moved, leaving all my friends behind, I felt even more alone than before. I couldn't take it much longer.. At the end of May 2012, I was invited to a bon fire with a group of kids. They told me to bring something that was holding me back from God and something inside of me that I can't miss this, that even though I don't know anyone going, I'm going.
That night, as I threw my things into the fire, and watched them burn, I surrendered to God, not just a little of me, all of me. I realized that I couldn't go any longer without Him, and that I'll follow Him if He just leads the way. That night, He broke my chains, He set me free. I no longer deal with depression, bulimia or self-harm. Praise God!!! I have been clean for about 4 months now. I can't even express my gratitude towards the Lord for His mercy and love towards me. Since this night, I have grown tremendously in my relationship with God and continue to grow daily. Also, I have been PHYSICALLY HEALED by Jesus, my digestive system was all kinds out of whack and my pastor said a prayer, and no more problems! I give praise to God for bringing me out of darkness and continuing to shed His light on my life and working through me to reach others. I thank Him for not giving up on me, even when I gave up on myself.