Addicted to my pain.......what a concept!

Have you ever been riding in the car, listening to music, and realize the incredible message in the song you have mindlessly listened to before? Guilty as charged! I remember in my teenage years listening to some music that did not have a good message, and my dad telling me it was not a good idea to listen to it. Of course in my brilliant teenage mind I decided to tell my dad that I did not even listen to the words.......I just loved the music! Now, 30 years later, not only can I sing every guitar lick of the MUSIC that I loved, but I can sing every word that I, "did not listen to"! Music is a very powerful tool in life that can be used for good.......or bad. As Christians, we are responsible for what goes into our minds and our hearts. (just thought I would throw that in for free......hehehe.....because that was not what I actually wanted to talk about.) As I was listening to this song, God hit me upside the head with these incredible lyrics. Talk about thought provoking! Click on the song above then scroll down here for the lyrics in case you could not hear them like I did:


Striking the match that burns me
Pouring more gasoline unto the flame
I'm to blame
I'm all alone and bleeding
And every self-inflicted wound in me
Am I addicted to my pain?

And I can't love
Without You here
Will You wash away
All my fear?
Addicted to my pain
Cause I can't see
And I can't feel
God, I'm praying none of this is real
Addicted to my pain

I am the judge and jury
I always sentence me
To be condemned
There's no amends
I hate with no conditions
Will I ever be forgiven
For my rage
And break out of this cage?

And I can't love
Without You here
Will You wash away
All my fear?
Addicted to my pain
Cause I can't see
And I can't feel
God, I'm praying none of this is real
Addicted to my pain

Take this guilt
This bitter rage
Keeping me
Locked in chains
Can You heal my heart?
Can You take this pain?
Will You wash away
All these things?

And I can't love
Without You here
Will You wash away
All my fear?
Addicted to my pain
Cause I can't see
And I can't feel
God, I'm praying none of this is real
Addicted to my pain
My pain

Wow, how many times could this have been me........how many times have I held on to the pain because in some weird sick way, it became a comfortable place? One of the phrases really hit home to me because it is an identifier of the problem........FEAR! How many addictions are started because of fear? How many are held onto because of fear? Who is the ONLY one who can wash away that fear.........MY GOD! Perfect love casts out ALL FEAR!!!! There is only one who is capable of perfect love........and that is MY GOD! The God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.........the God of the Bible.......MY GOD! When I was listening to this song.......I listened to it over and over and over again with tears streaming down my face! What pain have I held onto because it was easier than facing the reality of my fear? How many times have I climbed back into the cage that God freed me from before because it was more comfortable in there? (whooooo......that was a tough one to answer and be honest about!) I thank God for those who write songs like this that sometimes reach my mind and my heart when words just don't do the trick! I thank God for the revelation that He gives in the most creative ways! I pray that if you, or someone you know (which honestly......would cover just about EVERYONE you know in one way or another), please share this song with them! For me........it is something that is leading to a freedom from something I really had no idea I was struggling with........BUT GOD!!!!!! I pray Gods blessings over you and your families.......and I pray that He will open your eyes and your hearts that you might